While drinking my morning coffee, I opened my Facebook page, and from three different sides jumped to my attention news, pictures, and comments about a publication in which…. a man publicly regrets earlier cheating and asks forgiveness for his family. Good. Even brave, I thought.
On the other hand, the public discussion in the article’s comments was not so certain, throwing the man's name here in the barrel of a pathetic male/jerk/cheater, with a heartless thirst for publicity.
Of course, there were also supporters and respecters. In any case, what he said did not leave many disinterested hungry for public expression. I closed the website and drank the already-cooled coffee, but a bitter aftertaste remained in my mouth.
The PUBLIC stigmatized PUBLIC request for forgiveness. I believe that each of us has had (and still will have!) situations in our lives where we are truly guilty and grossly mistaken. Done an irrevocable action, which, like a huge stinky dunghill is standing in the middle of the room and waiting for you to start. How to wipe.
The fact is that we all sometimes make mistakes, so one of the most important life lessons is the ability to ask for forgiveness and to forgive ourselves. And it doesn't even matter if you're turning a new page in your life or gluing an existing one together.
First of all, let's remind ourselves - why forgive?
There is a valuable, unique bond between the two lovers who are closely connected.
And forgiveness says that both of you and this common bond of yours are "worth it" to forgive.
That you are important enough to take such a step. Second, forgiveness is true, non-selfish love core. If we decide to forgive someone who has hurt us (and vice versa), we choose to still love him. On the other hand, if forgiveness is not possible in our opinion, then this impossibility becomes our self-built "Berlin Wall" for love and its potential. Third, only forgiveness can truly release our aching, wounded soul, releasing anger, hatred, the desire for revenge, and other poisonous ribbons. Otherwise, destroyed relationships and lost feelings are the least evil, because the tumor of hatred will continue to gnaw at us until we are forced to face it, no matter how late and long it may be.
To truly forgive, one must truly understand the nature of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is NOT an acceptance or encouragement of negative, condemning the action. It is a healing of oneself and a conscious choice to go ON, not to tie oneself in the middle of an arid field.
Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. I have heard the words "forgive and forget" many times. In my opinion, it is even more unrealistic than to lick your elbow freely (sorry for my joke, sometimes you have to simply answer silly statements with others - just as silly - to expose them properly ...). Our brains are not designed to forget the painful experiences of life, and not in vain. Frank Hubbard has a saying, "No one ever forgets where he buried his ax." After all, through this experience, we can grow in acceptance and mind.
“Forgiveness is not an excuse or another person’s release. Nor is it a pretense or a favorable gesture in favor of the 'offender'. Forgiveness is not a brutal gesture of will. Nor it does take away us from our identity, our special nature, or our face. It does not relieve the offender of his or her responsibilities, whether or not he or she acknowledges them. ”(William Manninger).
..For the rest of the day, I remembered the stories of strong marriages, marked by cheating of one or the other spouse, but continued for many years, bringing the spouses even closer and more respect and humility towards their relationship.
I also remembered my own mistakes, for which I still pay, unable to fall asleep in the dark evenings and thinking on the paths "as if I were". And hurting my closest ones, what I cannot forgive myself, while at the same time bowing my head in respect and silent admiration to those hearts that do not hold me in the webs of evil, but have long given me the freedom to live on.
How strong we would be if our biggest and ugliest mistakes, side steps, our nonsense, and nasty were printed on the latest news pages; if we were to account for them publicly and the swears and contempt of other people would be added to our pain?
And how much more about us tells not the falls, but the ability to stand up afterward?
Sometimes we like to linger in both our own and others' suffering, instead of looking at everything we see/hear/feel one more time. On the other hand.
p.s. "Only a broken heart can truly love," said a wise man who has been quoted (but heard?) by many.
Author: DARTA DANEVICA
Photo: ANNA ELIZABETH