While drinking my morning coffee, I opened my Facebook page, and my attention was caught by news, pictures, and comments about a post in which a man publicly regrets cheating and asks for forgiveness from his family. Good. Even brave, I thought.

On the other hand, the public discussion in the comments was not so certain, calling the man a pathetic male/jerk/cheater with a heartless thirst for publicity. Of course, there were also supporters and respecters. In any case, what he said did not leave many disinterested. I closed the website and drank the already-cooled coffee, but a bitter aftertaste remained in my mouth.

The PUBLIC stigmatized PUBLIC request for forgiveness. I believe that each of us has had (and will have) situations in our lives where we are truly guilty and grossly mistaken. Done an irrevocable action, which, like a stinky Dunghill, stands in the middle of the room and waits for you to start. How to wipe.

The fact is, we all sometimes make mistakes, so one of the most important life lessons is the ability to ask for forgiveness and to forgive ourselves. And it doesn't matter if you're turning a new page in your life or gluing an existing one together.

First of all, let's remind ourselves – why forgive?

There is a valuable, unique bond between the two lovers who are closely connected. And forgiveness says that both of you and this common bond of yours are worth it to forgive. That you are important enough to take such a step. Second, forgiveness is a true, non-selfish act of love. If we decide to forgive someone who has hurt us (and vice versa), we choose to still love them. On the other hand, if forgiveness is not possible in our opinion, then this impossibility becomes our self- built Berlin Wall for love and its potential. Third, only forgiveness can truly release our aching, wounded soul, releasing anger, hatred, the desire for revenge, and other poisonous inclinations. Otherwise, destroyed relationships and lost feelings are the least evil because the tumour of hatred will continue to gnaw at us until we are forced to face it, no matter how late and long it may be.

To truly forgive, one must truly understand the nature of forgiveness.

Forgiveness is NOT an acceptance or encouragement of negative, condemning the action. It is a healing of oneself and a conscious choice to go on, not to tie oneself in the middle of an arid field. Forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. I have heard the words "forgive and forget" many times. In my opinion, it is even more unrealistic than to lick your elbow freely (sorry for my joke, sometimes you have to answer silly statements with others just as silly to expose them properly). Our brains are not designed to forget the painful experiences of life, and not in vain. Frank Hubbard said: "No one ever forgets where he buried his axe." After all, through this experience, we can grow in acceptance and mind.

“Forgiveness is not an excuse or another person’s release. Nor is it a pretence or a favourable gesture for the offender. Forgiveness is not a brutal gesture of will. Nor does it take us away from our identity, our special nature, or our face. It does not relieve the offender of their responsibilities, whether or not they acknowledge them.” (William Menninger).

For the rest of the day, I remembered the stories of strong marriages, marked by cheating of one or the other spouse but continued for many years, bringing the spouses even closer and more respect and humility towards their relationship.

I also remembered my own mistakes for which I still pay, unable to fall asleep in the dark evenings and thinking about the paths I could have taken. And hurting my closest ones, what I cannot forgive myself, while, at the same time, bowing my head in respect and silent admiration to those hearts that do not hold me in the webs of evil but have long given me the freedom to live on.

How strong we would be if our biggest and ugliest mistakes, side steps, nonsense, and nasty actions were printed on the latest news pages; if we were to account for them publicly and the swears and contempt of other people would be added to our pain?

And how much more tell about us, not the falls but the ability to stand up afterwards?

Sometimes we like to linger in both our own and others' suffering instead of looking at everything we see/hear/feel one more time.

p.s. "Only a broken heart can truly love," said a wise man who has been quoted (but heard?) by many.

Author: DARTA DANEVICA 

Photo: ANNA ELIZABETH