A happy person is the author of their life and also, in difficult situations, chooses how to look at it and what steps to take.

Step by step, the way most people perceive relationships, themselves in them, and expectations of a loved one are changing. In the past, the great role of relationships was the continuation of the family and the maintenance of the home. The next stage is the long-encoded belief that we will be happy in a relationship. That the person you love will be your saviour and fill in the gaps. That we are incomplete without a relationship. But if you replace the idea that your feelings of sadness or emptiness will pass when you meet the person you fall in love with: what feelings do you have if you fall in love with yourself and life first, and through these feelings quite naturally attract the person you love? If you make yourself happy? This is the direct path to conscious, meaningful, deep relationships and complete renunciation of toxic phenomena in your life.

Don't want expectations and heartache? First of all, fall in love with yourself and life!

Everyone's task and recipe for a happy, enjoyable life is – first to fall in love with yourself! A person who loves and enjoys themselves attracts a partner of equal quality which is more like a pleasant bonus and a way of life. Another valuable bonus – if you meet people who love life and themselves, even being alone, there is no unnecessary expectation from each other and pressure in relationships.

Why falling in love with yourself isn't selfish

If you allow yourself to know yourself and are in love with yourself, a toxic relationship will no longer be able to enter your life. How does loving yourself protect you from it? It's quite simple – you won't take anything less than what you can give yourself. You'll only choose one with powerful content and a respectful attitude.

To be able to experience true love, one must be able to love oneself unconditionally. It changes how you feel and treat life, as well as your whole relationship, not just the romantic ones. What exactly is unconditional love? It is not abusive or disrespectful to oneself or others because “that's what I am.” No. Unconditional love is accepting oneself and others, being aware of the shadows of oneself and others, without pretending that they do not exist. It is the ability to be sensitive and supportive of oneself but not lamentation and whining.

The key to a happy relationship – finding joy and happiness before starting a relationship

You feel complete. You don't need the other half to fill your gaps, but an equal partner, a mature adult to interact with, to continue to grow in consciousness together and to share life's pleasures.

How to fall in love with yourself?

• Get to know yourself! Not only your beautiful side but also your flaws. Being aware of the not-so-good qualities, there is an opportunity to change them. In turn, not admitting your inactivity is like tying a scarf on your eyes and pretending.
• See your talents and put them to good use.
• Don't compare yourself to others.
• Do things that interest you. Say no to something that deprives you of energy and does not give you satisfaction.
• Learn to set healthy boundaries in both professional and personal life. Be honest with yourself.

• Be kind to yourself.
• Enjoy your presence.
• Respect your body, take care of it. Love your body!
• Take time to relax and pamper, consciously plan it.
• Writing down affirmations and thank you notes can be a great help.
• Celebrate your big and small victories.

If we're looking for someone to fill our gaps, heartache and resentment are inevitable. But what can you lose if you're perfect in your own right?

Choosing your needs as a priority is not selfishness. This is the foundation of your well-being. Anyone who has taken care of themselves can give more to others. What can you give to others if your dish is empty?

Often, there are situations and toxic patterns of relationships that recur. They keep repeating themselves until we learn to love ourselves! To set clear boundaries, one should define what attitude I allow towards myself and what not. Who is someone I want to let into my life, and who is someone I don't? Ask yourself: Is the relationship with this person raising or destroying me? Does what I experience make me stronger?

Test: am I with my partner to patch up the feeling of imperfection within me?

You can easily check what motives you share with your partner by asking yourself a few questions. Be truthful in responding to them!

• Do I choose this person based on past patterns?

Passionate attraction, the coolness of a partner for one day, and the surge of love for another or criticism can also seem like a comfort zone if that's been the experience to date. But do you need it? As soon as we change our attitude towards ourselves, we free up space to enter a relationship of a different quality.

• How does my body feel when I'm with them?

The body is very smart and tells us things before our mind understands them. If the bodily reactions show that there is no really good and safe feeling next to this person, know that this is justified. Don't look with your mind for excuses for the person your body is rejecting!

• Do I expect this person to give me something that only he or she can give?

If you feel confident that you can't be happy without that person and only you can love that person, it's already a red flag worth thinking about.

Most importantly, if you love yourself and adore life, make conscious decisions and actions in your life to achieve goals, you will meet just as powerful a person!

Author: Ieva Simanoviča