Sometimes the decision to get married is made while looking through rose-colored glasses. You’re deeply in love and completely enamored with one another, wanting to spend every possible moment together. Naturally, the intense hormones of infatuation and physical attraction also play a significant role. You have shared dreams, but you haven’t created a concrete plan for how to make them a reality, nor have you divided the responsibilities involved. Yet, to be honest, these stages are incredibly important and will ultimately shape the way your relationship develops.

Strong marriages are built on honest conversations, even the slightly uncomfortable ones.

Talking openly before marriage helps couples understand each other beyond the honeymoon phase. These conversations aren’t about finding red flags everywhere or overthinking every detail. They’re about clarity, alignment, and learning how to navigate life as a team. Because you are. Think of it as relationship preparation work—less glamorous, maybe, but way more important in the long run. And real.

Shared Values don’t Mean You Agree on Everything

But they do mean you understand what truly matters to each other. Values shape how you see the world and how you are you going to live. Before marriage, it’s crucial to talk about what guides your decisions. Do you value stability over adventure? Tradition over flexibility? These answers affect daily life more than people realize.

You don’t need identical opinions, but mutual respect is non-negotiable. Understanding each other’s core beliefs helps prevent future friction and builds a stronger emotional foundation.

 And sometimes the answer can be a deciding factor — will you be able to build a life together? If one of you can’t imagine family life without children while the other would prefer to spend the rest of your life together without them, this is something that should be discussed before making a decision about marriage. And beyond major choices like this, less grandiose beliefs and preferences also play a significant role. For example, maybe one of you wants to live in the city, but the other feels unhappy there.

If love is greater than differences, you must find dilemma and harmony in your choices so that neither of you suffers.

Where do you see yourselves in five, ten, or twenty years?

While plans can change, having a general direction matters. Talk about career ambitions, lifestyle goals, and what success looks like to each of you.

One partner might dream of socially active life and career growth, while the other imagines a quieter life with flexible work. Neither is wrong, but unspoken differences can cause tension later. These conversations help you find compromise early and ensure you’re moving forward together—not in opposite directions.

Every couple disagrees

The difference between healthy and unhealthy relationships often comes down to how those disagreements are handled.

People communicate differently—some talk things out immediately, others need time to process. Understanding your partner’s style helps avoid misunderstandings and hurt feelings. Ask how they prefer to handle stress, express emotions, or receive support, and respect it. Also - tell how you function.

What makes each of you feel valued? Words of affirmation, quality time, small gestures? There’s no one-size-fits-all approach, but knowing these preferences strengthens emotional connection and prevents that “you should’ve known” frustration.

READ MORE: Love Languages: Understanding Your Partner’s Needs

Conflict isn’t a sign of failure; it’s a sign you’re human. What matters is how you manage it. Thin and talk about how arguments were handled in your families growing up, as those patterns often carry into adult relationships.

Set expectations early: no name-calling, no silent treatment, and no “winning” arguments. Agree on strategies like taking breaks, revisiting issues calmly, or even seeking outside help if needed. A little planning here saves a lot of emotional energy later.

And in fact, everything would be simple if we did two things: reveal how we feel, and listen to how our partner feels. Accept. Respect. No judging.

Mandatory topics to be discussed:

• Finances and Money Management

Money is one of the most common sources of marital stress, which is exactly why it deserves open discussion before marriage. Be honest about income, savings, and any existing debt. This isn’t about judgment—it’s about teamwork. Student loans, credit cards, or financial obligations don’t disappear after the wedding.

Transparency builds trust and allows couples to plan realistically. It also helps avoid unpleasant surprises down the road. If one partner is more financially savvy, that’s okay—just make sure both are informed and involved.

• Budgeting, Spending Habits, and Financial Goals

Everyone has different spending habits. Some love budgeting spreadsheets; others prefer a more relaxed approach. Talk about how you’ll manage money together—joint accounts, separate accounts, or a mix of both.

Discuss big goals like buying a home, travel plans, or retirement. Aligning financial priorities early helps reduce stress and ensures money supports your shared life, not controls it.

• Family, Children, and Relationships

Family dynamics and future plans around children play a big role in shaping married life. Talk about timelines, parenting styles, and values you’d want to pass on.

Discuss topics like education, discipline, and work-life balance. You don’t need a full parenting manual, but having aligned expectations avoids major conflicts later. And yes, it’s okay if your answers evolve over time.

• Boundaries with In-Laws and Extended Family

Families are wonderful… and sometimes complicated. Talk about boundaries early, especially around holidays, finances, and decision-making.

How involved will extended family be in your lives? What does support look like versus interference? Clear boundaries protect your relationship and help maintain healthy connections with loved ones—without unnecessary drama. And in fact, you will see both the benefits and the difficulties in relationships with extended families even before the wedding. Therefore, you will look for solutions.

• Household Responsibilities and Work-Life Balance

Who handles what at home? Chores, errands, and mental load can quickly become sources of resentment if left unspoken. Talk about dividing responsibilities in a way that feels fair, not necessarily equal.

Also discuss work-life balance. How much time should be reserved for rest, hobbies, or each other? These small details shape daily happiness more than grand gestures ever will.

Relationships are most often ruined by the daily, boring routine tasks. But someone has to do them, and that someone can't be just one of the partners.

• Career Plans and Support for Growth

Careers change, opportunities arise, and life gets busy. Talk about how you’ll support each other’s growth—whether that’s pursuing further education, changing jobs, or taking career breaks.

Knowing your spouse is in your corner makes navigating change far less stressful and way more rewarding.

• Intimacy, Trust, and Emotional Connection

Discuss expectations around intimacy openly and respectfully. This includes frequency, affection, and how intimacy may change over time. Because – it will. Honest conversations reduce pressure and help partners feel safe expressing needs.

Remember, intimacy is about connection, not perfection. Openness fosters closeness and keeps the relationship strong through different life stages.

Trust grows through consistency, honesty, and emotional safety

Emotional safety allows both partners to be vulnerable without fear of judgment. When couples prioritize this, they create a relationship that feels secure, supportive, and deeply connected.

Taking the time to talk now sets the stage for a stronger, healthier marriage later. So pour a coffee, take a walk, or set aside an evening to start these conversations. Your future selves will thank you for it.

But remember – we can talk a lot, but our actions show our true intentions.

READ MORE: Consciousness in relationship

Author: Ieva Simanoviča