Do you believe in love? Do you believe in the idea of a destined partner? Your soulmate? It is often said that humans are inherently polygamous. But if we accept this idea, it seems entirely incompatible with the belief in having one true partner. Why would we strive to be with one person if we inherently desire many?

Here’s the key: we strive for deep, emotionally close relationships, and only through such connections can we find true happiness. Constantly changing partners cannot provide lasting fulfillment. In the long run, it simply doesn’t work that way. Building genuinely close romantic relationships is possible only in monogamous partnerships. For this reason, I dare to say: we are fundamentally monogamous beings.

Read more about relationships: KARMIC RELATIONSHIPS | SOULMATES

Whether humans are monogamous or polygamous depends on the perspective we take. If we consider only the physical aspect—reproducing with as many partners as possible to maximize offspring—then, biologically speaking, humans might seem polygamous. But is that the ultimate purpose? Is that the essence of human experience? It is not. That is not why we were born into this world to live emotionally and psychologically enriched lives.

Historically, polygamy has undeniably played a role in human survival

However, consider the societal context of even 50 years ago, let alone 200 years ago. Times have changed, and so have the reasons we live and love. For those seeking to experience a conscious, long-term relationship, monogamy is a natural and necessary path. In fact, it is the true path to freedom. For love to grow not only in breadth but also in depth, we must focus fully on our relationships and our partners.

Divided attention—such as simultaneously focusing on another partner—makes it nearly impossible to establish a close and meaningful connection. In spiritual pursuits, people sometimes mistake monogamy for a limitation. This belief couldn’t be further from the truth. A deep connection with a partner reflects who we are, heals both individuals and fosters mutual growth. Partnerships provide the most powerful platform for personal development and are, at the same time, one of the most beautiful experiences life on Earth has to offer.

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Why Has Polygamy Existed Historically?

For the first time in human history, we live in an era where the question of personal fulfillment—how do you feel?—has gained prominence.

Throughout most of human history, the primary task was survival, not emotional or spiritual development. Spiritual growth was a luxury that earlier societies could not afford due to social restrictions. Individual desires, decisions, and feelings often took a backseat to societal norms and expectations. Conformity was the rule, and deviation was met with shame.

Today, modern humans have the opportunity to explore their individuality, understand their nature, and connect deeply with their partners. This shift contrasts with past generations, where relationships were often based on social status, financial security, or survival, rather than emotional connection.

Historical Reasons for Polygamy

Historically, polygamy—especially polygyny (one man, multiple wives)—was associated with wealth and power. Maintaining multiple spouses required significant resources, making it a status symbol in many societies. In agrarian societies, polygamy increased family labor forces and enhanced economic productivity. Some societies practiced polygamy to ensure population stability, especially after wars or disasters that reduced the number of men. In agricultural and pastoral societies, where labor is crucial and children are seen as economic assets, polygamy can serve as a means to expand family size and wealth. Conversely, industrialized societies, where resources and wealth are less dependent on family size, tend to favor monogamy.

Let's look at the reasons why polygamy existed in ancient civilizations!

In Mesopotamia and Ancient Near East, royalty and elites practiced polygyny (many wives), often for political alliances and consolidating power; in Egypt pharaohs and nobility often had multiple wives, though commoners typically practiced monogamy due to economic constraints; in China during various dynasties, polygyny was common among the upper classes, with concubinage also playing a significant role; in Africa polygyny was widespread, linked to agricultural societies where larger families were advantageous for labor.

How do Religions View Polygamy?

Judaism: Early Jewish patriarchs like Abraham and Jacob practiced polygyny, but it declined in Jewish communities after the Talmudic period, with a ban instituted by Rabbi Gershom in the 10th century CE; Islam: Polygyny is permitted, with a limit of four wives, as long as the husband treats them equitably (Quran 4:3). This remains a practice in many Islamic societies today; Christianity: Early Christianity discouraged polygamy, emphasizing monogamy as the ideal, a stance solidified by Roman influence and Church doctrine; Hinduism: Polygyny was practiced by ancient kings and nobles in India but gradually declined, especially after legal reforms during British colonial rule.

The Psychological Outcomes of Polygamous Relationships

Research has highlighted both potential stressors and benefits for women in polygamous unions. Some studies indicate higher levels of jealousy, competition, and emotional distress among co-wives, particularly in situations of unequal treatment. Health researchers have examined polygamy's impact on physical and mental health. Women in polygamous marriages may have higher rates of depression and anxiety than those in monogamous unions, particularly in patriarchal societies where co-wives have limited autonomy. Conversely, men in polygamous relationships may experience better social health but increased financial pressures.

Children in polygamous families may face unique challenges, including resource competition and emotional neglect, particularly in large families. However, some studies suggest that in well-resourced polygamous households, children may experience social and economic advantages. Men in polygamous relationships may benefit from social status and larger family networks. However, the responsibility of managing multiple relationships can lead to financial strain and psychological stress.

Oxytocin and Bonding

While polygamy is associated with reproductive benefits, it challenges the mechanisms of pair bonding. Oxytocin, often called the "love hormone," facilitates bonding between partners. In polygamous relationships, this bonding may be diluted or unevenly distributed, potentially impacting relationship stability and offspring care.

How to Create Emotionally Intimate and Close Relationships

So, we return to the question: what does a modern person, striving for self-growth and awareness, truly need?

As mentioned earlier, a deeply intimate relationship with a partner is one of the most powerful platforms for personal growth. It allows individuals to explore unprecedented depths of their inner world and to experience the profound intimacy that a romantic partnership can offer.

Here are some scientifically-backed strategies to strengthen your bond with your partner:

Communication

Truly hear what your partner is saying without interrupting. Validate their feelings by summarizing and reflecting back what they share. Share your thoughts, feelings, and goals. Vulnerability creates closeness. Regularly acknowledge and thank your partner for the things they do, big or small. Gratitude strengthens bonds.

Emotional Intimacy

Prioritize undistracted time to connect. Share your fears, dreams, and challenges. Emotional intimacy deepens when partners feel safe being their true selves.

Be empathetic. Put yourself in your partner’s shoes during conflicts or discussions. Different opinions - this is normal, and there is no need to be afraid of it! Understanding their perspective fosters connection.

Physical Intimacy

Hugs, holding hands, and cuddling release oxytocin, the "bonding hormone," which increases closeness. Maintain a healthy sexual relationship - discuss each other's needs, desires, and boundaries openly. Explore ways to keep your physical connection exciting and fulfilling.

Develop Shared Goals and Activities

Try new hobbies or revisit old ones together. Activities like cooking, traveling, or exercising can strengthen your bond. Set goals as a team. Whether it's financial planning, fitness goals, or personal development, working together fosters unity.

Build Trust

Be consistent; follow through on promises and commitments to show reliability. Be honest about your feelings, needs, and concerns. Hiding emotions can create distance. Forgive! Let go of past mistakes and work on resolving conflicts without holding grudges.

Work on Personal Growth

Understand your own needs, triggers, and patterns. Self-awareness helps you navigate the relationship better; support each other’s growth: encourage your partner to pursue their interests and dreams. Mutual respect for individuality strengthens the partnership.

Author: Ieva Simanoviča