What is the secret of a long-term relationship? Everyone has their own, there are as many answers as couples. However, one piece of wisdom goes like this: do not look for the potential in the person, but see who this person is already.

Undoubtedly, we each have the potential to grow and develop. But frustrations come when we expect exactly what we have in mind to happen. Sometimes, thinking about the potential of a loved one and, consequently, the expectation of them becoming a dream image suffers failure, and the relationship breaks. Because you marry with whom you fantasize about, not with who they are in reality. Think about it: are you ready to be with this person for the rest of your life, even if they don't change?

Trying to fix or heal your partner, fantasizing that they would change – that is a road to nowhere. If you want a healthy, beautiful relationship, it starts with loving and accepting the person you choose to be with just the way you are right now. This does not mean turning a blind eye to any unacceptable actions, but rather, being aware – we all have our light and dark sides.

There is no such thing as a perfect partner among people. We all learn little by little. And the next step is to support each other’s journey to the best version of ourselves. Accept this person without reproach. The beloved person we let into our lives is not just because of a chemistry of feelings, a crazy love that we cannot control. It is an informed choice.

Take responsibility

When we criticize a loved one and complain about our unfulfilled expectations, the truth is that the problem is not in that person. You have to look at yourself! Why have you chosen to be with someone you don't accept, respect or love? These are cases where the critic has not grown up. This is the child's position of shifting the blame to someone else. You must take responsibility for each choice you make. If you see that even after several conversations with your partner nothing changes, you have done everything you could. There is no point in complaining or lamenting.

If you understand that nothing will change and your partner does not want to take a step towards you to make your relationship more enjoyable, if it is not the case that you interact from the perspective of equal partners who lift each other rather than lower yourselves, maybe it is time to leave such a relationship? Leaving is also taking responsibility. We cannot influence another person's actions if they do not have the desire to develop for the best. But we can choose what we do with it.

Look for the actions, not the words

The simplest and most effective trick to test the true intentions of the person you choose to be with is to consider what they have done, not what they have said. One can say a lot. One can make a lot of promises. But is even a shred of what has been said also realized? Do the words match the deeds? Are words bigger than deeds? If they confirm to you that they are ready to change something or do something differently but do not do it, then know that they will never do it.

Growing together

What does a relationship do for us? It is easier to be alone than to solve relationship issues. However, relationships give us so much – love, support, shared joys and pleasures, encouragement. As long as people are not mature and want something from each other, to fill the voids in themselves, to receive love from outside, the common interaction does not happen. Instead, it is a game in the sandbox, where you are a toy for each other, and you eventually grow tired of each other.

The miracle of a relationship is born when it is completely natural, without any coercion, to encourage each other's self-development. You're lifting each other. It's the interaction of two mature adults. The interaction of two people, where both a woman and a man are personalities who can make themselves happy on their own. The encounter of two souls in a joyful and conscious dance of life.

Where disagreements are not disputed but respectfully pronounced. Where there are no inadequate expectations of each other. Where it is respected that you are both individuals. Where arguments bring you closer, not separate, because you are a team, and only then – only when such two people who love themselves, can entertain themselves on their own, adore life, even being alone – does the true miracle of relationships happen. To be together on the exciting journey of life!

The secret to a happy relationship is to become satisfied before you are in a relationship!

Are you aware of your potential and ready to take the first step towards realising it?

Author: Ieva Simanoviča