The early years of marriage are often painted as a dreamy extension of the honeymoon phase—long walks, late-night talks, and effortless connection. And sure, there’s plenty of that. But what no one tells you? It’s also a time of adjustments, surprises, and, sometimes, moments that make you wonder, Wait… did I marry the right person? (Spoiler: You probably did.)

While it's easy to get caught up in external responsibilities—finances, home maintenance—the emotional side of marriage deserves just as much attention. Love is the glue, but it’s not enough on its own. What really holds things together? Communication, self-awareness, and a good dose of patience. Awareness and loving acceptance – my partner is also a person with his or her own pros and cons.

The Emotional Rollercoaster of Early Marriage

Marriage is a wild mix of emotions. One moment, you're staring at your partner thinking, Wow, I get to spend forever with this amazing person. The next, you're debating whether their breathing is intentionally loud just to annoy you. And all of this is normal. Being so close together for so long, seeing a person in all life situations - it's a challenge after all!

This stage of marriage is about more than just love—it's about learning. You’re discovering how your partner handles stress, how they argue, how they decompress after a long day. And sometimes, those discoveries come with a side of frustration. The key is to accepting that ups and downs are normal. The happiest couples aren’t the ones who never disagree; they’re the ones who know how to navigate challenges without letting them define the relationship. And they know - it's completely normal that we have different opinions.

READ MORE: Are You Really Ready for Conscious Relationships?

The Art of Communication—Saying What You Actually Mean

If marriage had a golden rule, it would be this: say what you mean and mean what you say. Your partner isn’t a mind reader, and assuming they "just know" what you need is a one-way ticket to disappointment. Just as it is important for you to listen to your partner, it is important for them to tell you how you feel.

• Be direct, but kind. Instead of a passive-aggressive sigh when your partner forgets date night plans, try: “Hey, I was really looking forward to tonight. Let’s figure out another time to do something special.”
• Use “I” statements. Saying, “I feel disconnected when we don’t spend time together” is way more effective than “You never make time for me.” One invites understanding; the other invites defensiveness.
• Listen—really listen. That means putting the phone down, making eye contact, and resisting the urge to jump in with a counterpoint before they’ve even finished talking.

Solid communication isn’t about winning arguments. It’s about getting on the same page—even if it means agreeing to disagree sometimes.

READ MORE: How to Disagree Without Hurting Each Other

Letting Go of Fairytale Expectations

We all enter marriage with some preconceived notions—maybe you expected grand romantic gestures every weekend or assumed your partner would always just know what to do when you’re upset. But here’s the thing: reality rarely aligns with the script in our heads.

Maybe your spouse isn’t as emotionally expressive as you hoped, or they decompress with video games instead of deep conversations. Instead of dwelling on what should be, shift focus to what is. Marriage is about learning to love each other not just for your best qualities, but for the quirks and imperfections too. The sooner you let go of rigid expectations, the happier you’ll be.

READ MORE: Love your partner for who they are

Arguments Happen—How You Handle Them Matters

Every couple argues. What matters isn’t if you fight, but how you fight. Do you approach disagreements like a team, or is it more of a verbal boxing match?

Here’s how to argue productively:

• Take a breather before responding. It’s tempting to fire back immediately, but taking a moment to collect your thoughts can prevent minor disagreements from turning into full-blown wars.
• Focus on solutions, not blame. Instead of, “You never help around the house,” try, “I’d really appreciate it if we split chores differently.”
• Know when to let things go. Not every battle needs to be fought. Sometimes, it’s better to accept that your partner loads the dishwasher wrong, and move on.

Keeping Your Sense of Self in Marriage

One of the biggest mistakes newlyweds make is losing themselves in the relationship. Yes, marriage is about togetherness, but it doesn’t mean giving up the things that make you you.

Keep pursuing your hobbies, friendships, and personal goals. If you love reading, keep making time for books. If you have a standing brunch date with friends, don’t cancel it just because you're married. A happy marriage isn’t about merging into one person—it’s about supporting each other as individuals.

Prioritizing Health—For You and Your Marriage

Marriage is a partnership, and the way you show up for yourself directly impacts how you show up for your partner.

• Exercise, even if it’s just a daily walk together. It’s good for your body and gives you time to connect.
• Eat well and sleep enough. Sounds basic, but being tired and hangry is a surefire way to pick unnecessary fights.
• Seek support when needed. If stress or anxiety starts affecting your relationship, therapy, individually or as a couple, can be incredibly valuable.

Making Time for Each Other—Quality Over Quantity

Work, social commitments, family obligations—there’s always something demanding attention. But the strongest marriages prioritize connection, even in small ways.

• Create tiny rituals. A five-minute morning coffee together, a nightly check-in before bed, a simple “thinking of you” text—small things add up.
• Date nights still matter. Even if it’s just takeout on the couch, setting aside dedicated time for each other keeps the romance alive.
• Laugh together. Watch a funny movie, share ridiculous memes, reminisce about that one embarrassing vacation moment. Laughter is one of the best ways to stay emotionally connected.

Keeping Romance

Romance isn’t just about candlelit dinners and spontaneous weekend getaways. It’s in the little things—the small, everyday acts that say, I love you.

• Picking up your partner’s favorite snack just because.
• Leaving a sticky note with a sweet message on the bathroom mirror.
• Sending a flirty text in the middle of the day.

Love thrives on intentionality. Keep choosing each other, even in the midst of everyday life.

The early stages of marriage are a learning curve—filled with love, laughter, and yes, a few frustrations. But the couples who make it work aren’t the ones who avoid challenges; they’re the ones who tackle them together.

Marriage isn’t about perfection. It’s about choosing each other, every single day, even when it’s hard. So keep communicating, keep laughing, and most importantly—keep showing up for each other. Because, at the end of the day, that’s what love is really about.

Author: Ieva Simanoviča